A New Day

After non-stop coverage of Barack Obama’s inaugaration today on multiple channels, there’s nothing I can say right now that could not have possibly already been stated by someone else.  With my sincere attempt to not regurgitate anyone else’s opinions or commentary, I’d like to just take a minute to share my opinion on the day’s events.

I had a job interview that went really well, spoke with my parents about the difficult options I’m faced with right now in my recent and troubling financial situation, and went to work for the one day a week that I have a job.  All the while, I watched on television or listened on the radio to Barack Obama’s inagauration festivities.  It’s been such an amazing event to have constantly fill my day.  I’m so excited and happy and hopeful and overwhelmed today.  I’m one of those crazy people most make fun of on the news for considering President Obama to be the ‘great messiah.’  One of the nutjobs that expects him to change everything and make all of our/my woes disappear.  I’m him.  I stop what I’m doing everytime he’s on the t.v. and listen intently to every word he speaks.  Suddenly tonight I’m crying over watching two people dance together, though I’ve seen them dance countless times already throughout the evening as the attend each ball.

For me, it’s not so much Barack Obama the person.  As a person, I believe he’s fantastic.  His ideas seem perfect, persona seems to be something to idolize, and ability to overcome the impossible something to give everyone a new hope to believe in in each person’s own life.  I feel as though he is very obtainable… like if I really wanted to I could find a way to call him directly or email him and get a personal response.  It’s not like former presidents I’ve seen, or major celebrities, or the pope.  Those people I know I’ll never come into contact with no matter what.  But Obama…. it’s different somehow. 
But regardless, it’s not Obama, the man.  It’s everything he represents.  And not just the racial aspects, though that in itself is of course monumental.  I always have believed, regardless of how much I’d love to pretend otherwise, that racism is much more of a problem than most recognize.  But sooo many people..white people… went out and voted for Obama, regardless of his race.  It’s fantastic.  But also, the whole cliche (at this point) ‘change’ platform.  He absolutely represents change to me.  Times have sucked for a lot of people the last few years.  Times have sucked for me over the past few months.  Suddenly I feel like things are going to start to turn around, for the country and for myself.  Maybe not because of him directly, but I suddenly have a new fire lit under my ass.  I feel like I can go out tomorrow and make life get a little better than it has been.  I’m excite in this dorky, possibly unrealistic way.  Regardless of whether or not my excitement and hope is actually founded on anything, I would love to thank President Obama for the hope he’s given me.   And honestly, I feel like with our new president, I’d actually have a chance at thanking him in person one day… or at least sending him an email that he’ll actually read.

Finally something lower than my bank account!

When I start writing about the weather… that shows how boring I’ve been recently..

The next couple nights are supposed to be the coldest we’ve had in Cincinnati thus far.  I’m not sure actually if the temperatures are going to break any records (I suppose I could’ve looked that up before typing, but ehhh, apathy).  Tomorrow is supposed to be negative four for a low.. that doesn’t even make sense to me.  I’m worried when I take my dog out that night that he’s going to have pissicles hanging from his dick as he goes.

Speaking of the dog, if anyone has any creative ideas to get the dog some exercise during the next couple months that he’s going to be stuck indoors, please share them.  This is my first Winter with a dog, and I feel bad that he can’t go to the park or anywhere else (because there’s no way I’m going to stand outside for an hour while he runs around).  I try to play fetch and whatnot inside sometimes, but a small two bedroom apartment doesn’t allow for much running on his part.  I heard people talk about an indoor dog park-type place in downtown Cincy like a year ago, but I haven’t been able to find anything about it online.  Suggestions, anyone?  And he’s terrified of treadmills…I’ve tried and tried, honestly.

2 Day Hangover Award!

Nothing rhymes with unemployment

Economic Crisis Vlog, Updates, and other such things

So I think my blogs and vlogs need to head in a new direction.  I’m not exactly sure what that direction is, however.  My last blog, about the Prop 8 protests, receieved a lot of views and more emails than former entries.  Perhaps talking more about things that actually matter is the way to go.  Maybe.. less butt-talk, more ‘important’ happenings, is the way to get people to read… who knew?

Also contributing to my debate about what to do is that my life has changed a lot since starting the blog.  My intentions to have a blog about a ‘slutty gay bar bartender’s drunken escapades’ is ruined at this point… being in a relationship with my ex, and not bartending at the gay bar anymore.  Makes it tricky.  I’ve been periodically trying to still keep up the image, but not wanting to lie about events makes it hard.  (thats what she said)  I am, however, considering doing like “storytime sundays” or something…where I make a video about a nutty event from the past. 

On a seperate subject, I started a second blog, canweprofit.wordpress.com … it’s completly different from this one.  An open discussion about my attempts at profitting online.  It’s no secret that I’d like to make money either from this blog or other means online.  The CanWeProfit blog is documenting that goal, and hoepfully inviting others to discuss their success and failures.  I’ve debated things like putting a ‘tip jar’ from paypal on this site, but I think that may be premature, and tacky, at this point.. with only an average of thirty or so visitors a day on average (give or take).  Opinions?

Going along with the canweprofit blog, here’s my newest youtube video… “Money Saving TIps During Economic Crisis.”  Most of us are struggling right now with money, here are some ‘helpful’ tips!

Prop 8 Protests… when do we want it? … NOW!

So this weekend… bar hopped with friends I hadn’t seen for a while Friday. Saturday night drove to Louisville to go out to Connections. Today had a flat tire that I had to deal with and worked for the evening. Oh. And protested prop 8 and the other 48 (?) states that don’t allow gay marriage.

I spent the days prior debating whether or not to go. As I said in my first video blog, protesting and whatnot isn’t my thing. I had a lot of friends talking about going, and many emails and texts about it, but even still I felt like it was pointless. It didn’t pass in California. And it wasn’t even on the ballot in Ohio. What the hell is the point of protesting? Nothing changes just because a bunch of people meet up and yell. I understood why people would want to protest though. I mean, people are pissed. I’m pissed. If I try to talk about the subject for more than two minutes I become irate. So at least protesting feels like you’re doing…something. You’re being somewhat active at least. Even still, the idea of waking up on a Saturday just to go do something in vain made no sense to me.

The night befoore I spent at the gay bar with two friends, one who wasn’t going and the other who wanted to but was unable due to work. I had no excuse not to go except for my “i’m too smart for a protest” attitude. We discussed the subject at length until turning to much lighter issues. Eventually, I headed home, stopping for cigarettes on the way..which of course meant paying the obligatory sales tax. I met up with my off-again, on-again boyfriend and fooled around before crashing. Boyfriend. I kept thinking about the term as I battled falling asleep. I have no intentions of getting married anytime soon… and in all honesty don’t really like the idea of marriage for anyone. However, I’m only twenty-four. God knows a person’s opinion on different things changes over time. (When I was 15 my friends and I would talk about wanting to die at 30 because it was so old…now I want to go back and hit my teenage self for saying that.) So who knows what could happen. And that isn’t even the point. I love that kid laying next to me… and fuck anyone who thinks they can tell me how far our relationship can go. As it stands, ‘boyfriend’…or the annoying, made-up-by-gays terms like ‘partner’ or ‘lover,’ is the most I can be. This makes no sense to me. Perhaps a protest that results in nothing immediate seems senseless to me, but this is even more so.

Saturday morning I woke up and told my boyfriend that we needed to get dressed…we had a protest to attend. We had no signs or umbrellas…nothing but our bodies in attendance to show our support. It was raining and freezing cold out. In all honesty, I was somewhat let down. Not at the protest itself, but at the turnout. The dock or adonis gets hundreds of people a night, but something as important as this got far fewer. I recognized only a few people… it’s hard for me to go anywhere without knowing many. Most that were there were older, the gay ‘family’ type…lesbians with their kids, gay men who remember when Badlands opened. Where the hell were the coke heads? The drunks? The dudes from the backlot of the dock or the bar owners or the mall queers that ‘don’t go to the gay bars because of the drama’ or…. ? Maybe I’m naive to think that everyone else would have had the same epiphany I had the night before. Maybe the rain kept a lot of people in. I’ll be damned if I hear someone bitch about marriage rights in the future that didn’t attend this past Saturday because it was “too cold and rainy.” I’m not trying to have a ‘holier than thou’ attitude…but what the fuck? Gay pride is INSANE every year. Every homo I know is there, along with toooons of people I’ve never seen before. I guess booze and bjs would’ve been a good incentive to get people to show up.

I’m not trying to piss all over the turnout though. The other blogs talk about how great it was and we all showed our support and Margeret Cho spoke and sang a song (which was great) and all of that. And yes, there was only a week or so of planning for this thing. My worry Saturday morning while getting ready to head over was that this would be a one day thing, but the website ( jointheimpact.com ) and at the protest promises it will continue on. I hope so. And I hope more people show up. I hope everyone gets so fucking mad that they will do whatever it takes to get things to change. We’re not equal….and it’s fucking insane. I’m not a drug addict, a rapist, a child molestor, or a murderer. I don’t intentionally hurt anyone and I pay taxes and support the economy and give to charities when possible. I’m not doing anything wrong, and I’m not asking to do anything wrong.

 

I had this great intention of writing this blog focusing on the day of… how I was hoping to get into a comedic spat with an anti-gay marriage person at the protest, and how my “PRO-TEST-icle!” chant never seemed to catch on. I had it mapped out in my head and it was pretty funny… but as my mood changed the night before the protest, as did it when I started writing. Sorry if I got too serious or preachy. I hate ‘preachy’ blogs or writings, but I couldn’t help it. Tomorrow or the next time I write I promise to talk about how funny sodomy is or the bad bj I got in high school….. but I can’t promise that I won’t get preachy again in the near future… until the day comes that I can say in a blog, “My friends and I have the same rights as anyone else now. I don’t need to be told by friends in other countries to move to Canada…. I can live my life just fine right here where I am. Now…let’s get onto the dirty butt sex from last night….”

No Sex in the Hotel Room

I finally got a new job… with different rules than I’m used to.

Unemployment: Day 36

I’ve been desperately searching for a new job since the bar I worked at closed a little over a month ago. Unfortunately, I’ve had very little luck. A few prospects, a couple jobs that seemed they were going to work out but something randomly happened before it came time for me to start, and one job, a restaurant, that I worked at for two days before quitting. I think that job would have sucked the life out of me though, and everytime I went in I battled panic attacks on the way… so it’s probably for the best that I left.
I know I’m picky.. I have this terrible mentality that I’m ‘too good’ for most jobs that I’d have a chance at getting. I think it’s time that I start looking past that though, as my savings account has emptied and my checking account is quickly dwindling. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m bartending two nights a week at my old nightclub.. so that’s something. But since they’re only open now three days a week, it’s obviously not enough to live on. Some form of a steady income has to come soon. Very, very soon.
So today I went on Job Interview #27. It was for a bartending gig at one of the nicest hotels around here. The hours were ideal (5pm-11pm) and they were happy to work around my school schedule (when I can afford to go back to school) and my two nights at the club. I was so excited and hopeful that everything would work out.
Of course, I miscalculated how far away the hotel was from my house. Upon setting up the GPS for the address, my devil-may-care, computerized GPS friend Melissa informed me that we were 23 minutes away. And I had ten minutes before the interview was scheduled to start. I booked it to the hotel and arrived a little over ten minutes late. Already a bad start. If only the worst of it had been being late…
The lady doing the interview was cute. Probably mid-thirties, attractive, and wearing a low-cut shirt underneath her suit jacket. For some reason, I could not stop looking at her boobs. What the hell. It got to the point that I was consciously telling myself ‘don’t look at her boobs….don’t look at her boobs.’ I think that only made matters worse because then I was less focused on what she was asking and more intent on reminding myself to keep my eyes up. I’m a master of checking out guys without them noticing…but for some reason was powerless at that moment. Eventually, she caught me glancing down. It could not have been any more of an awkward moment. There was an uncomfortable pause, and then the interview continued. I had to fix things somehow, so I gayed out. Even though it didn’t relate to what she was asking, I started talking about how the last two places I worked were both gay bars… hoping she’d realize I was queer and my tit-glance meant nothing. I tried to act as gay as possible, too. Really I did everything besides pulling out a rainbow flag in hopes that she wouldn’t think I was some straight dude enjoying the show. The interview soon ended, with what was I’m sure an empty promise to get back to me later in the week.
Job Interview #28 is scheduled for Wednesday at noon. I don’t even neccassarily want the job I’m interviewing for, so I suppose it’s a good thing that I’ll probably fail it miserably.

Butt Sex 101

Might as well make a confession… it is Sunday afterall. Time for some butt sex mathematics.

25 Years in 5 Minutes: A Recap

five minutes to catch you up on the first twenty-five years of my life. now we can start from here since everyones up to speed!